I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
