yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
