And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
