I should be sponsored by Trojan
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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