god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
