If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
