i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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