i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize