We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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