Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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