Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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