Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
