Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
