i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
