Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
