My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
