from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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