kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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