DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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