While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
