I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my being single is dangerous.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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