y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize