So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
