i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
