Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
