I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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