Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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