I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
