you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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