but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
