uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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