I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize