On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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