His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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