Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
