You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
