Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm passing your future prison.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
