It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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