We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
