We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
