he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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