You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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