Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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