So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
