I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
