Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
