oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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