I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
