She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
