I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to make out with him forever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
