She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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