I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he was CRYING into my vagina
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
