Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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