Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
