shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
