Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
