i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
