i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on