Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good