i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
33 Memes Youâ€™ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If Youâ€™ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldnâ€™t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"