I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
